Taking your life into your own hands

Some adults think that they don't have perfect parents : they were too harsh, strict or too permissive, not present or intrusive, they have abandoned them, did not give enough love, or on the contrary, smothered them with their love and spoiled them, alcoholic parents, drug addicts ... The list of reproaches can be long. Some of these complaints can be objectively considered as based, others are rather subjective views of the child, but in every case, it is precisely the subjective view of the situation from the child's point of view that makes sense. Some would have liked to have other parents or see their parents behave differently. They think that in this case their lives would have been different, happier, more successful. They blame their parents, then their spouses, friends and others, for their failures, feel like powerless victims unable to change anything in their lives. Events interpreted as traumatizing in childhood leave a deep mark in their memory and awake the same feelings and emotions every time that another more or less similar event occurs. They feel unable to break free of this emotional reaction and think that they are forever condemned to suffer. Some of these people finally accept the role oas a victim, taking secondary benefits from it and are unable to give up their complaints.

Others want to get out and undertake all kinds of therapies that provide more or less significant results. This motivation to want to get out is essential. The change starts from the time the person agrees to review his or her relationship with their parents, to understand their behavior, to forgive and to accept them as they are. Sometimes it is very difficult to forgive and to accept, but without forgiveness and acceptance they can not be detached and become truly mature and independent because resentment keeps them in the past and prevents them from moving freely forward into the future. As the therapeutic work makes progress, the person decides to reach the adult stage, takes his or her part of responsibility for what happens to him or her in life, sees the past differently, learns, puts himself or herself into question, as long as the old ways of thinking, behavior, reactions, takes his or her future and life in his or her own hands, and decides what changes he or she is ready to make in order to be happy, successful in achieving his or her goals.

In life everyone can have difficult times, meet dishonest, disrespectful people, go through treachery, lies, loss, theft, injury, abuse, but it is up to everyone to say "No" to prevent or to stop abuse, it is up to everyone to make choices in life, which means to refuse what is inappropriate and to accept what is good for oneself, it is up to each one to heal injuries instead of letting them poison the entire organism, to draw lessons from the past, to turn the page and to begin a new stage in life, it is up to everyone to choose to become and to remain a victim or to master his or her life.

Anna Iourenkova

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